Posted: October 12, 2012 in Writing Books

Protected: Too great these losses

Posted: October 12, 2012 in familyfamily and friendsWriting Books
Tags: ,,

English: A living statue in Miami Beach, Flori...English: A living statue in Miami Beach, Florida. Français : Une femme statue à Miami Beach, en Floride. Español: Una mujer estatua en Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


It just seems to be that kind of year. Great turnarounds, large losses. Great pains of the deep flesh of the heart. Ernie’s death showed me I could form that kind of maternal love I thought forget it, that’s ugh not evere me but with him and his souls through his eyes…..

Then the DUI and all that loss of self respect as if having a nervous breakdown in perfecto LA isn’t bad enough unless you’re someone trending. I got THEM in the end, whomever the f they be. I wrote all about it blogged
about it facebooked about it,even spent days and nights not eating jeez turning 60 next year nonono I’ve got to prove something to someone so I learned social media marketing an author who can write an APP now so driven as depressed as I was now off the drugs…the loss

Yesterday we boarded the plane, Brian and I, me in a royal piss of a mood I mean, after all, 12 years without a vacation and now to the north poor section of Miami beach to see her. And it would be like all the other trips. She would be all over me and I would be nice, she’s so old but did I tell you that she was a sadist and he opted out of the fight so I was the only little pawn in an insane game of twist the gifted child?

I stayed up all night on my new I pad a gem. Brian had to feed me breakfast like a child or a drunk because they were really good waffles with sausages and I kept falling asleep on the plate. ( I mean, so what she’s 98?) We didn’t get there until seven. Max, my normally slow and soft stepfather seemed more at the plate ready to bat and not that sniffly and she was Distant. Said strange things, blamed it on her hearing, and when I went in for the kill as my therapist and editor has bullied me into for the honor of the memoir writer, ah, god, I was too late.

She brought out photos of my youth and I told her to put them away. She asked where had her smiling girl gone and I said that girl was a drug addict on Xanax and joints. I started to cry, everyone else got silent and she went to get me some DOLLS.

Nonono,,, all I wanted was my mommy back not really but to see one more glimpse of her mind.
Yes, it has been a year of loss. At my age, I suppose it will get worse and this dull ache will in my stomach walls will sign a lease soon, Still, the IPad is lovely.


Related articles

Edit this entry.

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s